LU#11 "The Earthworm With Only Four Hearts"
Volume VI - Number 151
March 28, 2000


The Lipscomb Underground:
Lipscomb University's official independent publication


The SGA seems to think the students really care about how many senators we have, and the try to make us think we do.  The SGA members themselves would know if they were understaffed, if  anyone would, I suppose, but that is not the point.  It seems to me that the SGA has a little bit more to worry about than just events, giving money to social clubs to host shows, and passing bills nobody cares about.  There are other more important things to consider!
re: LU#10
some good arguments
SGA critic

For one:  it's great that we will have better parking next year.  It's bad that they're tearing down the newly-renovated  Yearwood to do it.  With a big class of incoming freshmen next year, and one less dorm than now, (when we are barely meeting the base needs of lodging for this year) it seems like we're gonna have a heck of a time with room.  The word going around is that next year, even RA's won't have single rooms.  Give us a couple more years, and we'll really be screwed unless they build more dorms (which takes money which is already tied up building other things).

So, you ask, what do I expect the SGA to do about it?  I expect them to do nothing.  That's because they already held a vote that would alleviate the problem, and voted down the only economical, reasonable alternative.  That is, let students live off campus if they want to.  This isn't such a radical idea; grown people generally have the freedom to live where they want.  But, the reason cited by the Babbler was that people "would miss out on all the exciting things happening on campus."  My thought on that is, if people really want to go to an event, they'll go even if it's two hours away.  If they don't, living on campus won't help one lick cause they'll just stay in the dorm.  Basically, if people want to go places and do things, a five-fifteen minute drive won't get in their way.  Why should day students be given superior status to people from other areas, who were by chance born in other areas?  Where's the sense in that?  Especially when we're getting way too overcrowded, way too quickly?  Not only that, but wouldn't that force the SGA to keep the quality of the events high to make sure people want to come to them, not just go to them cause they're close?  Touche!

The SGA has to realize that something must be done.  Church growth principle states that a church will not grow if over 80% of its seats are filled.  I would say that Lipscomb will stagnate too and stop growing, if we don't address this housing problem quickly and with a good dose of common sense.  Who wants to go to a school where they will be forced to live in overcrowded conditions, and not have freedom to do anything about it?  If I were an incoming Freshman all over again, and saw what policies are now being enforced despite the need to be less stringent because of space concerns, I'd think twice about becoming a bison.

All I'm asking, SGA, is that you consider this proposition again.  I have talked to many intelligent members of the student body who believe this is the only way to go.  Ask around and think twice next time before you vote down such a practical, common-sense oriented idea.  Your job is to represent the students, and I know a number of students were for the idea, probably a clear majority.   Even if you don't think it would ever get past the Administration's office, at least you would have done your representative duty and tried to pass a popular idea instead of giving up on an inspired proposition without a fight.  I think, too, that if the administration would have seen that the students were serious about this and supported it, under the lead of the SGA, they would have at least fudged the policy a bit, to appease us.  And every little piece of help we get is welcome.  Baby steps are good, because if you take enough of them, you get somewhere.  THIS IS THE REAL WILL OF THE STUDENT BODY!

I'd like to hear other peoples' ideas on this, the real issue.  I call those of us who believe this is the amendment that should be considered to abstain from voting on the other bill.  Let it pass, but let your absence be felt so the SGA and the administration see that we're actually concerned with the off-campus living issue.  It is so much more important to every one of us than SGA staffing.  Only the SGA cares about that.  Instead, let the SGA know what we the students want, and what is really important to us.  Let them know that they can add SGA senators all day every day and that won't help the housing issue one little iota.  You can't stop the power of the people when they unite,  so show Rachel Lavender what the REAL "will of the student body is."  If the SGA claims they  want to do it, let them prove it to us.  Until then, boycott the process. 


Lloyd Floyd

(Student Government Philosophy Rule #1:  Ask for little, and none will be given.  Ask for a lot, and little will be given.) rg




First of all, let me apologize for my club brother's errant spelling in his comments.  But, I can't let you all just bash him and not say anything in defense.   I am a member of Delta Tau.  I have been a part of the social club system for three years.  In that time, I have made countless new friends.....WHO ARE NOT IN DELTA TAU, OR IN ANY CLUB AT ALL!!!!!  I really don't understand the stereotype that portrays us as "buying friends" or not being friends with anyone else who isn't in the social club system.  Some of my closest friends are independents.  As for buying friends....each active pays their dues every semester.  This goes to functions, t-shirts, events, etc., to pay for that member and their date.  Now, when I take a date to get a bite to eat and see a movie, am I buying this person's companionship?

Second of all, what is the deal about sitting outside on the steps?  Is there something wrong with enjoying a nice, sunny day?  This really makes no sense to me.  Why not go outside when the weather is nice and enjoy yourself with your friends?

Finally, the stereotype of "beer drinking, weed smoking, and sex loving heathens who seem to be existing with no purpose in life but to justify unChrist-like actions" is getting tiresome.  I will be the first to tell you that there have been some questionable things going on in social clubs because I know about them first hand.  However, don't forget that the social club system is a vast minority on this campus.  I think it would be very interesting to see a percentage of how many people in social clubs did those things compared to independents who did the very same things. 

Finally, I really wish that the relationship between social clubs and independents would improve.  All of the bickering is getting us nowhere.  There has to be a happy medium that we all can agree on.  I think that the social club system is a vital part of this campus.  I also think that the independent portion of this campus is equally important.  No one is better than the other.  If you have that impression, you have a false view of what we are about.  Thanks for reading.....

Hunter Johnston

p.s.  As for JSO.....I'm taking up a collection for an English tutor!!!!  anyone interested in helping out, please contact me......Just kidding, buddy!



in four years at this fine institution, this will be my first and only time to write to the lu. the only reason I write now is to express my concern for those who immerse themselves in this shmegma-covered, inexhaustible, nebulous forum of ignorant (not everybody, mind you...just some) propaganda bullshitting.

I wish that the people who just HAVE to express their belligerent (once again, this is not everybody, just the angry, misinformed, judgers) opinions would find things in life more gratifying and fulfilling than sitting at a computer (in private), using code names (because they're skeert), trying to "change" something. as interesting as it may seem to read through the debatable issues on the lu, I assure you it is much more uplifting to enjoy life, enjoy people, challenge yourself, work a job, go out with friends, listen to music, etc.....

living your life deliberately and honestly, while at the same time not pointing your finger at others' faults or  (worse yet) what you think are their faults, is the right step in changing things, if that is your motive. the issue of social clubs is not worth fighting about. I'm in a club: it is important to me; I won't ever forget my experiences in it; pledging benefited me in too many ways to write; I'm closer to my brothers than much of my own family; it's opened up many doors for me......BUT, it's a club! clubs are simply another facet of a member's life. as important as my club is to me, life does exist above and beyond social clubs!

being at a Christian school does not mean everything must have exclusively Christian agendas. does the basketball team (or any other sport, academic club, honors clubs, etc.) serve a Christian purpose in and of itself? no. and there's nothing wrong with that.  these things (including social clubs) are a way of enriching certain persons' lives while in college. social clubs wouldn't benefit some people, simply because those people aren't into that sort of social interaction, or have time restraints, don't like them, etc. that's fine. the baseball team wouldn't suit me because I don't play baseball. but I have the savvy to know that baseball makes sense and uplifts certain individuals. that's fantastic. I don't question or deplore what they do. I have better things to do with my life.

it is unwise to stereotype the integrity of a fraternal organization based on individual actions by individual people. vanity is one of Satan's favorite's not as obvious as some vices (you know....drinking, pot, sex.....some of the favorite things lu respondents bash, because it makes them feel good about themselves because THEY don't do those things. and those are the only real sins, right?? as long as you don't do these things, then you have your shit together, right??). it's easy to point out the noticeable faults in others...however, it takes a bigger person to point out the less conspicuous sins in one's own life. perhaps why I never write to the lu about what's wrong with others is because I have my own problems and sins to deal with each moment. since this IS a Christian school, I guess that those who are judging and pointing fingers have cleansed their own eyes of planks, and are just fine---without sin, right?

I'm considered one of those "pot-smoking, drunken, sex loving heathens in a social club" (to quote an earlier entry by an identity-less scared little boy). wow. you got me! you labeled me! well, perhaps all of the above statements are true for me. or maybe none of them are. regardless, these statements certainly don't encourage those who need help with those things. if your mission is to be a Christian influence, then hurtful, judging blanket statements are not helping anybody, except your own insecure (but seemingly "secure") selves in feeling superior. congratulations.

I point a finger only at those pointing undeserving fingers at others. my hope is that you find a more enriching life, away from idle chatter on the lu (like I said earlier, this only applies to certain individuals), away from judging, away from being bitter at others because their collegiate experiences may include something you don't agree with or understand, and away from endless nights trying to crack websense from the confines of your room using your special code names so no one knows your true identity. but as long as you're not drinking or doing drugs or having sex, then you're okay!!! no worries.

Bryan Stephenson
President of the ICC



It is true that business fraternities on this campus and across this nation were established to promote and enhance business education and opportunities to students.  They were also established to provide a social setting inwhich the professional arena can be established.  It is true that the fraternity doesn't exist solely to glorify God, but our chapter here at Lipscomb promotes Christian values in our functions.  We don't require our pledges to dress up in stupid costumes, nor do we require them to do other things that can be considered hazing.  Without doing these things, our pledges also learn about our fraternity and gain an edge when entering the job market.  I can not count the number of times that I have been offered an opportunity for a job through people in Alpha Kappa Psi.  I am proud of my fraternity as are all of those who are inducted into our rich tradition.


(Thanks for the confirmation.) rg



Brian:  Your comments amuse me.  If you go back and read my reply from #9 for what it's worth, I believe you'd actually agree with me.  But you brought your own agenda to the table when you read my reply, and you read way too much into it.  Try keeping an open mind.  I have nothing against clubbers and I said nothing to imply that I did.  (". . .live in a hole. . ."  That was a good one.)

Erin:  I am friends with clubbers, too, but that doesn't refute anything, not even what Metz'79 said.  Take a philosophy course.




The JSO that everyone is bashing IS NOT the Jason Donald Orr in Delta Tau!!


I just want to say something to all the people who continue to trash the social clubs. Just leave them alone, you're not in one, you don't really know what they are about, and unless they have done something to you personally, mind your own business. Now, I am not in a social club, so I am not going to go bad mouthing something that I don't know a whole lot about. But, it just so happens that my roommate (who has been one of my closest friends since 5th grade) and several of my very close friends are all in a social club, so I do know more about social clubs than probably most people. I have chosen not to join the club, mainly because I am too busy as it is. But, when I first came to Lipscomb last year, I was completely against the social clubs, and now that I know some of the people in the clubs, and have become friends with them, social clubs are not bad at all. Sure, there is stuff happening within the clubs that shouldn't be, but I think it is safe to say that there are plenty of people at Lipscomb not in a social clubs, doing things just as bad. All I'm saying is, if you're not in a social club, mind your own business. You have no right to rebuke something you know nothing about. Maybe you should try and get to know some of the people in the clubs, you'll probably come to find out that they are just as human as everyone else. And most of them are actually pretty good people. Just keep your mouth shut if you don't know what you are talking about.

Steven Toney




first: My only words on the social club issue. I am sad to see that this petty little debate has sprung up again. Yes, the clubs do bad things. Yes, all the rest of us do the exact same bad things just as much. We are no better than they, and likewise(no matter how much they think it) they are no better than us.Are all you independants out there trying to say that you never do anything wrong?

second: I really can't take this much longer. The moronic handles you people use are just too much. SIGN YOUR FRICKIN NAME COWARDS! Do you fear that someone is going to try and hunt you down?

jonathan ling




For those interested:

        Your reply sucked.  I hope I find you.


That was a mistake Alexander. Now you have offended my friend DEATH and myself. Bad move. Good luck to you in the coming weeks.




Islam, Judaism Complete Mega-Merger

Islamic Salvation Co. completed its $55 billion acquisition of Judaism Corp. (NYSE: JEW) Thursday, creating the the second largest religion in the world. The new faith will be called Islamajew, Inc. shares in the new group will begin trading in London and New York on Monday.

The deal cleared its final hurdle Wednesday when the Federal Trade Commission approved the deal on condition that the merged religions sell 134 mosques and temples. Islamajew, Inc. will rank behind the company being created by the proposed merger between Christianity (NYSE: JHC) and the Buddhism (NYSE: ONE), which the FTC is only now starting to review. Islamic Salvation Co. Chief Executive Muhammad and Judaism Corp. Chairman Moses said they were "delighted" to close the deal on schedule by year-end, setting a record of 100 working days for completion of a large transaction in the process.

Earlier Thursday, credit rating agency Moody's Investors Service assigned an issuer rating of AA1 to Islamajew, Inc. and upgraded from AA2 to AA1 the senior unsecured long-term debt ratings of Islamic Salvation Co. Moody's said the upgrade of Islamic Salvation Co.'s rating reflected the new entity's status as one of the world's largest and most geographically diversified integrated faiths with a number of enhanced market positions. Nevertheless, the new group was likely to remain slightly inferior in terms of debt protection compared with the other AAA rated "super-major,'' ChristoBuddhism, it said.

Judaism Corp. stock closed Thursday at $59 a share, up $4.25, and Islamic Salvation Co. American Depositary Receipts closed at $95, up $11.94.

Islamic Salvation Corp. says that it "is engaged in the exploration and production of crude soul and natural morality, supply and marketing of righteousness, and the manufacturing of ethics." Judaism Corp. states that it "explores, develops, and produces crude soul, engages in spirit refining, and manufactures and sells righteousness." The two companies are thus well suited for a merger.

Nearly 1500 years ago, a pagan prophet flush with polytheistic notions from Mecca heard reports of Allah, as God was then known. He negotiated proselytization rights and, seven years later, struck soul -- not the first religious find in the Middle East. Founded in 622, as Islam, the company now known as the Islamic Salvation Co. has since become a global giant, with soul fields in Africa, India, western Asia and Europe. With 56,450 employees worldwide, Islamic Salvation Co. earned $4.6 billion last year on revenues of $71 billion. Its net production of crude soul and natural moral fibers reached 1.25 million international good units (igus) a day in 1997, and its natural morality out- put stood at 1.66 billion igus.

The two religions have established a panel of six senior executives from each country to hammer out the details of solutions to theological disputes that were agreed to in principle before the decision to merge. Among these are mutual belief in one another's blasphemy, and contention over the roles of guilt, martyrdom, and Woody Allen. In addition, Judaism Corps. had expressed apprehension about the adoption of Ramadan by its consumers. However, no further dissension is expected to emerge.




To All those who blasted JSO, go get ‘em.  I don’t know if it was just horrible grammar, or if it was intended to sound bad, but either way, JSO deserved that tongue-lashing.

I would like to propose another “Boo, You Stink” Award.  Although, I’m not exactly sure specifically who this one goes to.  It goes to whoever’s fault it is that there most likely won’t be any private rooms on campus next year (maybe not even for , RAs).  I know that for the ladies this is partially related to the destruction of yearwood, but I still think someone is deserving of the award.  I, for one, know that I function better without a roommate, and I know of several other people in that situation.  People like us aren’t at all trying to be anti-social, we just function better when someone is not always around.


(Oh, great, look what I started. . .) rg



After an extended away, I have returned, and with no promises of keeping my comments brief this time as well.  Although I can’t think of a topic offhand to replace the current discussion thread about social clubs, and I must admit that some of the ignorance on both sides of the issue is quite humorous…. well, never mind, this sentence has been entirely pointless because I am going to write about the social club issue anyway.  I just have one thing to say to people who are entirely anti-social clubs for the reason of their “exclusion” of people outside of their groups:  “cliques happen.”  I believe this can be attributed, if you pardon the base, animalistic terminology, to a “herding instinct.”  I’m no zoologist, but I believe (and I am sure you’ll feel free to correct me if I am wrong) that most animals, or at least mammals (humans being scientifically categorized as animals, specifically mammals) have a natural instinct to want to belong to a group.  Humans specifically feel the need for the company of others, God made us that way for a reason.  Even the most introverted individual (and believe me, I am an expert in the field through personal experience) wants to be part of a group, however small or large.  Whether one chooses to do this in the simplest form of a “circle of friends” who share similar attributes and attitudes or in the highly “structured” and “evil” form of social clubs, it is essentially the same thing and is subject to the same “exclusion.”  However, I know as well that if the love of God is demonstrated by people, then their social circles will be forever expanding, and not just to those who are “like them.”  I personally know people in social clubs who (whether or not it is for godly reasons) do not exclude those outside their groups.  I also know people outside of social clubs (myself included) who tend to draw a close circle of friends to them and exclude people outside of these friends (whether few or many) for various reasons.  I undoubtedly had more to say, but I always write my responses on the fly to ensure that my short term memory doesn’t fail me in what I intended to write and in some cases that I intended to write at all (plus I am taking a break from my homework).  I really should make an algorithm… I  mean outline for these things.

Also, from my own experience in initial glances over long replies, I know that short paragraphs at the end tend to get read first if not alone.  I’d like to say that telling JSO to use spell check is about useless (forgive  the grammar, chalk it up to Texan lineage).  As far as I could tell, he never misspelled a word into a non-word that I can recall (I haven’t called it up to look at it, but the examples mentioned were all real words).  A proof-reader would be an excellent idea for JSO if indeed the reply was not a hoax intended to disgrace social clubs further.

Until I can actually restrain myself and write a short reply that contains all of my thoughts,
I am Adam Kellam.



"The Undies" will be coming soon. If you want to have a part in them, send in your votes. For a listing of categories, go to The Undie Page, or make up your own categories. If it's a cool category, we might use it, so give it a try. Don't let this opportunity pass you by.

As the semester winds down, I know many of you are looking to find buyers for your books that will pay you more than the Snickers bar that the bookstore is offering. I've been asked in the past if The Underground could set up a website advertising books for sale and books wanted, but for the sake of constant updating time we're not going to do that. HOWEVER, if you have books that you know you will need, or books that you want to sell, feel free to make requests and/or pitches in the form of a short reply at any time. (If you can't find someone to buy your book, I'll give you two Snickers bars.) Much to the chagrin of a few of our LUers, The Underground does support capitalism. (Garth Richardson would be proud.)

Until I can hypnotize myself,
I am,

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LU#11 "The Earthworm With Only Four Hearts"
Volume VI, Number 15
March 28, 2000

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