LU#7 “When the people lead, the leaders follow.”
26 September 1994

O.K.  It’s back.  After a long hiatus,
THE LIPSCOMB UNDERGROUND (!!!!)
is comming to you again.  In this spectacular issue, you should expect to receive the following:
1. Chapel & B\N “discussions”
2. The postin’ place
3. THE SENATE WATCH from Sen. James Rose
4. The usual nonsence thrown in
5. An unusual pop-up by our resident advisor, Pan.
6. and the greatest introduction since John the Baptist

Now, on with the loo!

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(This letter has absolutely nothing important to say to some of you, so you don’t have to read it.  It’s just something I needed to say.)
Well, it looks like I’m going to have to put in my two cents (not SENSE, Eric) worth over something here in the good ole’ Loo.  Let’s see, what should I talk about?  The residents in Fanning suite something-or-other?  No, I think not.  Ummm, how about how much I’m going to hate the new chapel situation without even testing it out?  Well, maybe later.  I know!  The selling of pronography in B and N.  I don’t like it, but it sure sounds better than paying $60 for my economics book.
No, what I have to say is much better than that (Probably not, but it is just something I have to say)  It has to do with a certain comment made that started with one of the incomparable Lee Mayo’s questions a couple of Loo’s back.  While I resent being called a redneck, I do feel proud to say that I turn orange this time of year. (Actually, I stay that way most of the year.)
YES, IT MAY SOUND STUPID, BUT THE THING THAT HAS INSPIRED ME TO WRITE TO THE LOO IS ABOUT TENNESSEE FOOTBALL.  NOT CHAPEL, PORNOGRAPHY, OR ANY OTHER THING SERIOUS LIKE THAT.  JUST ABOUT THE BEST TEAM GOD HAS DECIDED TO GRACE UPON THIS EARTH (SHUT UP CHALLIS, I CAN SEE YOUR SMILE NOW.  DON’T WORRY, YOU’LL GET YOUR FREE MEAL.  HAIL FLORIDA.)
I simply felt that since everybody has emphasized that the loo is about expressing opinion, I would express the one that means the most to me.  In the last loo, Monica decided to put in the little statement, “Only rednecks could cheer for any football team that sucks as bad as UT.”  Oh ho ho, my dear.  Like I was telling Bubba and my wife, uhhhhh, I mean sister around the spitoon, “Them are fighting words.” Let me just add that for the past five years, and if you skip 1988, we could say for the past 9 or 10 years UT has been one of the best teams in the nation.  (SHUT UP, CHALLIS)  Let me go back to 1986, when UT beat Miami, (yes Miami, probably the highest ranked football team in the country at the time)in the Sugar Bowl.  Actually killed them by about 30 points (I can’t remember the score at the moment)  Since then, they have been the SEC champion a couple of times, destroyed opponents a lot better than New Mexico and UT-Chattanooga (Alabama doesn’t count), and even won the respect to have a 1-2 record and still be ranked in the top 25 this year.
I just thought I would say this because my orange blood boils when someone puts down Tennessee football.  Now basketball is another story (even though we are ranked in the pre-season top 25 in Street and Smith’s).  But let it be known that I will fight for my orange and white (cool, that like rhymes and stuff, huh huh huh) when the likes of low-down gators and elephants(?) put them down.
Thanks for putting up with my rambling.

Until Heath Shuler pulls a ligament,
Jeff McInturff
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I have a few questions that need asking,
1. Why does Lee Mayo ask so many questions?
2. Is Brad Denton the reason I can’t get a date?
3. Advil on the cob? (C’mon Letterman.)
4. Is Challis dating one of the girls is Fanning Suite 301? (probably get myself hurt for asking that one.)
5. Is anyone dating the girls in Fanning Suite 301?
6. If your answer to question five is no, please refer to question 7.
7. Want a date? Call Eric West at 1660 (you drive!).
8. Does it mean your a loser if you ask for dates on the LU?
9. Did Eric just start asking these questions so he could get himself a date?
10. Am I the only dateless guy on the LU?
11. Am I better off being dateless and not in Chris’s shoes?
12. Should I run for my life now, Chris?

That’s all, my list isn’t as long as Lee’s, but I had to put it in there or I wouldn’t be able to justify my conscience. Whatever that means...

Until I get a date,
Eric West.
(we pray for your safty Eric.) stink
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LELAND, I AM YOUR FATHER!!!
And son, ‘Natural Born Killers’ still sucks.
I did find a great movie this past weekend.  It’s the story of Pat Cameron.  It’s entitled ‘The Graduate’.  The movie is like Pat; you wonder if it will ever end.
And now a word about sports...well...maybe not.  The Loo is already long enough.
Until April St. John keeps her shoes on,
Bart Bowling

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Well, there is a first time for most things.  Since this is the first time (I think) that I’ve written to the LU, I’ll try to keep it short with a few snippets.
First to the crew of Fanning 301, thanks for the fun reads between you and Stone.
Second to PC, in regards to the fatherhood.  “No, there is another.”
Third, to stinky King Jed, I think I would worry more about Adm. Daala.  Now there’s a broad with an attitude problem.
I’ll end with a paraphrase of Vodo-Siosk Baas, Together we can overcome our weaknesses.

Skippy  (gbp)

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Well all I must say is that hey who cares I know I don’t.  But on the other hand all the interesting debate has at least given me some e-mail to read over the past little while.  A short word of advise, well more of a proposal.  CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG.  No, oh well and who says I never try to be the peace maker.  While I am wasting my time on this wretched tourture device what did ya’ll think about that hideous editoral about madatory chapple in the new Babbler.  Well it just seems to me that the guy who wrote that needs alittle help, I mean come on now.  Does he really believe he can challange the SGA to take a stand for what the student body really wants and expect to LIVE through the night.  Someone needs to tell him to go into hidding.(HA,HA)
E. Wilson

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Well, I’ve tried to hold myself back—I really have, but I have been given no other choice to reply on this many loos old chapel issue.  I know that many of you are dying to know what I think, so brace yourself, I am about to impart my wisdom upon you...Change usually is good.  I truely believe that.  If we stay the same, we fail to grow.  We stagnate.  The only problem I had with the chapel change thing is that I wasn’t asked if I wanted it.  The idea was tossed at me and I was told to make an immediate decision, with a second of prayful thought of course, on the direction in which my spiritual life would take for the rest of the semester.  Something was just not right about that.  I was one of those people who never really saw anything wrong with chapel.  Sure, sometimes it was boring and sometimes I’d rather have been studying, but the times I was uplifted or my day was made a little bit brighter, seemed to out weigh the times I was miserable.  I can not think that I was that much different than the rest of the campus (look at the numbers, that appeared in the Babbler, of people who chose “regular” chapel opposed to  a “new, improved” chapel).  Chapel was just a part of life.  Some days it served its purpose, others it didn’t.  The way I saw it, you weren’t forced to go to chapel, you were just strongly influenced by the threat of being kicked out of school or put on probation.  But I wasn’t considered in the decision to change.  The complainers were.  The administration was.  But not people like me.  People who chose this school to become closer to God and to receive a solid education.  (and I’m not saying that you have to agree with me to have the same purpose) I relish any chance that I am given to take time out to worship God and now it has been made more complicated for me.  Chapel may be better.  I’ll just have to wait and see. I just wish that we had been given the oppurtunity to tell them what we thought of the new policy before it was put into effect.  We are intelligent and most of us love God.  Give us the benefit of the doubt before assuming you(the admin.) know what is better for our spiritual well being than we do.  We can vote on homecoming candidates, but we can’t vote on how we want chapel to be handled.  Does that seem right?
Thankyou for your time and patience,
Jami (I should be studying instead of writing this) Lynn Shyers
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Hello all!  Brad Denton, here.
I just thought that I would add my two cents worth to the whole chapel debate, and the inherent problems within the system.
1.  -No coffee or smokes-   Back in my Methodist days, I would often look up to my father to want to be like him someday - after all, he got to drink coffee in Sunday school, and smoke Marlboros.  For a long time I perceived Paul as a holy Marlboro Man, saving Christian souls and roping cattle.  (Wouldn’t it have made a superb story, though?   Bashing the Corinthians and then flicking shut his Zippo?)
2. -No shirt, no shoes, no worship-  If people wear flip-flops to chapel, can’t I walk in barefoot?  If you’re going to sin, then at least do it with some style.  And Leland Dugger (excuse me, LEALAND DUGGER) and I have had some interesting talks on how our some churches feel you must dress nice to properly worship God.
3. -The White Songbooks-  Call me a traditionalist, but I would like to go to chapel one day and sing “It is Well with My Soul”, or “Beulah Land”, or even “Are You Washed.”  Funny story about that one.  At my little country church (last membership roll had us at 37) our congregation sings that one as “Are You Warshed.”  I guess you just had to be there.
4. -Jerry Gaw’s Beard-  I find it hard to concentrate on anything after I have seen Dr. Gaw walk in.  This man has the beard that every man under the age of thirty secretly desires.  (If he let it grow out, soon you could only tell he was speaking by the fact that his cilia would blow out at you.)  Fantastic teacher.
5. -Lara Orton-  See #4 above.
6. -Dean Davis’s Wingtips-  He doesn’t actually wear wingtips, mind you, but every last one of you will check the next time you see him.
7. -Steve Prewitt’s Hot Pants-  Enough said.
Well, campers, it’s time to go back to the ranch.  As for Dustin Adkins, ANTI’S ROCK!!! And I would like to mail a special apology to Jami “Three Chickens” Shyers, Mary Alice “Hit that Tercel, Baby!” Campbell, Lee “Cap’n Crunch” Mayo, Brad “He Packs a Mean Left Hook for a Thin Guy” Kibler, and Dustin “Prozac?  What Prozac?” Adkins.  I’ve been putting all of them in a lot of awkward places lately, and I apologize.  Sometimes I get a little too big for my britches, and I have to go out and have a car accident to regain my perspective on everything.  Ya’ll have been the glue that has kept me together this past summer, and I thank you.
Love,
Robert James Waller (HA!)

P.S.-  What exactly is a home of happiness?
P.P.S.-  Fanning 301:  Dustin and I are in Fanning 304.  How is it we never see you?
P.P.P.S.- To whom it may concern:  I’ve seen Challis in makeup and women’s clothing...he looks better than I do in nylons.  (DAMN!)
(Denton= the home of happiness.  R.H.P.S.)  stink
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Well all I must say is that hey who cares I know I don’t.  But on the other hand all the interesting debate has at least given me some e-mail to read over the past little while.  A short word of advise, well more of a proposal.  CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG.  No, oh well and who says I never try to be the peace maker.  While I am wasting my time on this wretched tourture device what did ya’ll think about that hideous editoral about madatory chapple in the new Babbler.  Well it just seems to me that the guy who wrote that needs alittle help, I mean come on now.  Does he really believe he can challange the SGA to take a stand for what the student body really wants and expect to LIVE through the night.  Someone needs to tell him to go into hidding.(HA,HA)
eric Wilson
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This whole thing is new to me and I don’t really know what to say, but I am glad that all of Lipscomb doesn’t try to live under the mask that some people around here exhibit (oo big word).  It is a relief that there are some of you that voice your real opinions and aren’t conformists, the whole idea of true self and spontanaeity (excuse my spelling) seem to be lost in this salty sea of fish sometimes.
As for the campus T.V. oh yeah, all the Paul Bobo we can get!!!!
I think that about says it all.
Thanks (ju)stinkin’
Spunk

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Greetings, Lu’ers, and all the rest of you who seem to just come here to bicker.  I am gonna put my half-shilling in, whether you like it or not, and I don’t really give a frickin’ bit about the exchange rate...
This chapel thing and this intra-gender turkey shoot is really making my blood boil.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a cat fight in my lifetime (although I’m siding with the lions instead of the housecats).  I simply can’t understand how a few thin-skinned, scanner-card-toting, holier-than-though collegiates can suddenly turn this forum into a shouting match.  Speaking of which, all you people with the stuck CAPS LOCK keys...FIX them!  Your shouting is hurting my eyes, and it’s not helping you to get your point(s) across...
To the producers and direction-providers of this fine, yet suddenly heated, publication: I’m sorry.  It appears that many of us (ahem, 301) are just typing in to take up space and not (301) really (301) providing (301) any (301) intelligent (301) responses to what is going on here.  I would personally like to drop all this and move on to another topic.  I guess y’all have to deal with this chapel thing, and obviously I don’t, so maybe you’d like to DISCUSS it further...but DISCUSS it you shall, or this place might suddenly erupt with many things that y’all mightn’t wish to hear....just a suggestion......
Bob:  Go Harvard...y’all better beat Yale this year...I’d love to gloat to “dolphin-boy” how badly you kick their little rich-boy uppity Democrat behinds...
Justinkin’:  Sorry, ‘ole chap, ‘bout all this...If there is something you think I can do, let me know...Just answer my ad in Soldier of Fortune.  It’s in the Florida section of ads in the back.
Greek Boy Big Johnson:  What is there to say, almighty ex-roomy of the Ghetto Five Bagmeister?
And, finally, My dear friend and mentor Challis:
I AM GLAD THAT I’M AT AN ALL-MALE SCHOOL.  Sorry, bud, but this crap just wouldn’t cut it in my everyday routine.  To many things go wrong, if ya know what I mean (and I’m sure you do).
And to all y’all out there...Suck it up and DRIVE ON...
There’s nothing more to see here...Y’all just need to adapt and adjust.
“Can’t we all just get along?”
As always,
One proud MALE,
c/pvt 3rd class Alexander Manjasek
The Citadel R-Bd class of 1997 (the 1st, only, and last class)
GO DAWGS!!!
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Ms. Scharf,

You need to understand that what you write is a legitimate window into seeing who you are and what you stand for.
It’s incumbent upon you to make sure that context is appropriate and all sarcasm, feeling, etc. is made clear to your reader.  Keep that in mind the next time you respond in an open forum like this one, and don’t forget it the next time you write a paper for one of your professors!
Rob Mossack

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Here is the first Senate Watch of the year from Senator-at-large and Student Life Committee chairman James Rose:
So far, there isn’t much action to report, even though the Senators have been hard at work planning the year.
We have been spending some of your money on entertainment.  The Tau Phi Cowboy Show was given $1800, and Delta NaNaNa was given $1350.  Alpha Kappa Psi was given $2000 to go toward the student directory.  After our concert expenses and the help that was given from last year’s Senate and the Quest team budget, we have around $35,000 left.
The Student Life Committee has been working on quite a few key projects and issues, which include a policy for dormitory visitation hours, a policy for senior privileges, an attempt to get a campus phone in the Student Center, reforming elections to get better turnouts (where were the 1500-plus students who DIDN’T vote for homecoming attendants?,) improving the parking situation on campus, and getting a sand volleyball court on campus.
The Entertainment Committee (Katie Lawrence, chairwoman) has already shown one movie (Grease) and is planning a homecoming parade.
STAY TUNED FOR MORE ON THE SENATE WATCH THIS YEAR.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  The Postin’ place  $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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ATTENTION-if any of you LU readers happen to be living off campus and would like to take an adorable 8 wk old hampster, currently named Clove, into your home I would really appreciate it.  I am being forced to find a foster home for her, pet rules suck.
Angela
HASTYAL or phone # 1289

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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Satyre Cafe
Once again Political Incorrectness reigns, yes your favorite demi-god is back <Cackle>.  I have been quietly observing things from afar.  But now I feel the need to express my opinion on a few things. grin I can hear the misplaced moans already.
Chapel is a wonderful thing that we all should enjoy.  I love being told about others life altering experiences.  I love to hear someone discuss the big, bad, outside world, that they have had so much more experience with than the rest of us and fought it off with their bare hands.  I know that all these people have come to Lipscomb to help us protect us from ourselves.  Because as we all know we would destroy ourselves if we didn’t have the big A.  to guide us and lighten our burden and/or wallet.  I know I love being required to go to chapel, because as we all know coget worship of God is good.
On to other topics, I think we should crusade against all evil companies like B&N.  How dare a company from the world dare sell pornography.  Don’t they know that our morals apply to everybody except ourselves. The nerve of some people. We all know that B&N should have dropped all pornography publishing when they received Lipscombs account. I just can’t understand why this worldly company will not adopt our morals.
Challis, a topic in his own right. I like his style, class, and udder lack of self restraint. I want to tell Judge Challis that not since last year, have I had so much respect for someone.  I believe all women should worship and adore him for his fine gentlemanly qualities.  Thank you for being my hero.
My personal favorite topic is of course (in a whisper) Open Dorms. I enjoyed Sewell Hall’s wonderful two hours of babysitting last evening.  I believe that we all should interact socially in a curbed fashion. I loved the way my RA’s watched out for my morals and reputation.  I knew I would be able to find another mother when I came here.  I would hate to be twenty years old without a mother to watch over me all the time.  The only thing that I worried about was when a lady friend’s ankle and mine touched. My RA pulled out a Cat-of-nine-tails, and tied me to a post and gave me twenty strokes.  Don’t worry the cuts are healing well.
I guess I’ll retire for a while. Please can’t we all just roll over and do whatever the big A wants.  Just sell out!.
Your Ever Loving Goatman
Pan
END END END END END END END END END END END END END END END END END END END END

Well, that about does it.  With the guidance of Challis and a revelation
from Alex (Citadel guy), I think we can end this distructive conflict and
begin to discuss things that will flaunt our intellegence.  A new topic has
been floating around in my head and I think I’ll let Challis introduce it to
you
? stink
 

The ninties has seen a major change in the role of women, particularly in reagrds to their service capacity in our nation’s military. Under the misguidance of President Clinton, our nation’s mothers are now at sea on naval combat vessels, as well as flying combat missions. Another change much closer to home has been the highly contested case of Shannon (ACLU) Faulker vs.  The Citadel, the (all male) Military College of South Carolina.
The story reads as follows:
Faulkner applied to The Citadel for the class of 97 and “accidently” forgot to fill in the little bubble on the application for sex; there is but one bubble, “male.” The admissions office overlooked this, thinking Shannon a boy’s name.  Well, they accepted her, later found out that the bull-dike was a female, and told her to stay in the kitchen. Obviously, this thwarted her plans to bring this “male dominated society” crashing down by starting with The CItadel, so she cried to the ACLU and together they launched a law suit. The result, to date, has been that a severely hen-pecked judge ruled in her favor, followed by an appeal by The Citadel which ended in a ruling by one of the last decent judges left in favor of The Citadel. Miss ACLU is in the process of filing another appeal.
The facts are this: women don’t belong at The Citadel or with any other group of men who wish to remain problem-free. Neither the school nor its proven, 150 year old tradition of 4th class system allows for the presence of women except as cheerleaders on the field or at the variety of dances held throughout the year. Women cannot cope in an environment such as the nine month hell which is The Citadel during a cadet’s freshman year.  Most men I know could not make it through the year, and i can honestly say that I have never known a woman who would have survived the constant screaming, physical training, and hazing that envelopes The Citadel.
But let’s forget about the fact that women couldn’t make it, let’s get really crazy; what if, I know it’s wild, but what IF men had rights too!!?  That’s right, it is slightly feasible that just maybe a man should have the right to attend an all male military school if he should so desire. We have endured whine after complaint after belly-ache about the “rights” of women and the horrible violations of those rights by fine, upstanding men like myself.  What if I had a right too? I don’t ask for much, but why can’t I attend an all male military school if I please? If Shannon wants to go to military shcool, (which, by the way she doesn’t, she just wants to complain and get her way in a more public manner than most of her contemporaries do) then send her to West Point. What? SHe wasn’t good enough to get into West Point? Well, let her build her own little school and let all her lesbian friends play soldier till their hearts content. It just seems childish to reason (I use that term loosely)  that ‘since I don’t get to have what I want, instead of working to obtain it, I’ll just take yours away and then we’ll both be miserable.’
Your comments, both logical and barely recognizable forms of logic, are welcomed (though the barely recognizable attempts are more appreciated because they lend a bit of humor to the Underground) as this is an open forum and despite what was said in past issues, we all care what you think.
? Chris Challis
 

I hope you took the time to read that.  And I do hope that you will take time to reply your thoughts in an intellegent and productive manner.  Either that or just bash Challis like you always do.
Enough for now...
Until they ban us from thinking,
I am,
 
(ju)stinkin’