LU#5 “The People’s Court.”
19 September 1994

Welcome back to another mini-edition of the...
...LIPSCOMB UNDERGROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In this quickie issue, you will receive:
1. Something from the Citadel guy.
2. Something from our resident BABBLER (not Patrick)
3. Something from Brad Denton (The home of happiness)
4. AND “THE PEOPLE’S COURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Not much to say, so here goes.
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Greetings, Lu’ers....  yes, it is I, the one that said that the fourthclass system could not and would not change him.  Well, I was wrong..I’m a BIGGER bag than I was knob year...hehehe...  actuallyActually, about this freshman thing, don’t you first year types get your organizers in a ruffle...I’m not really saying that you’re not people too, it’s just that that’s how we treat freshmen here.  And even the most flame-happy, hard-#$%’ed cadre corporal recognizes that freshman are people too.  It’s a kindler, gentler Corps, and we are taught some psychology in dealing with knobs.  Yes, yes, it’s true, we are getting soft in some peoples’ eyes, but it has to be this way or the Corps would collapse from medeival bullcrap that really would teach us nothing that could be taken into the real world.  I mean, would you flame the ever-loving %^&^ out of your employee because he’s not punctual?  No, but we do here to the freshmen because it teaches them to be on time, and calmness in the face of adversity.  And it’s just part of the system, but this excuse is really just a commonly-used cop out around here.  I, however, am a sophmore private, am in some instances disenchanted with the system, and I have been known to “Go against the grain” when possible...I guess my dear mentor Challis taught me to be so cynical, and in some cases rebellious.  Sorry, Challis, but my parents have figured out who the leader of our little group really was...although you know they still love ya...  to Eric West --- I know not what you mean...I am researching how I could have affected Challis to “make an ass of himself”...I will get back to ya on that...
And to Challis --- you know I’d never bite the hand that guided me so often,
but Alpha Co. is 1st in academics again this year....just FYI, bud
Anyway, after saying my piece, I shall leave and depart and away....  to all you freshmen once more --- yes, you are people, too....  but just think what could have been...you could have no life like me...  hmmmm...sounds like I might be at the wrong school, huh???
yours,
c/pvt 3rd class Alex Manjasek
R-Bd, The Citadel, class of ‘97
GO DAWGS!!!

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To Lee,
Very rarely do you write anything that interests me, but this is one of those rare times.  Here are the answers to your questions:
1) Yes, Adam DID have a belly button. When Cain and Able were born, he and Eve had to do something with the umbilical cord, so he just followed the model that God gave him.
2) Yes, 7-11’s are open 24 hours, just not in a row, hence the locks.
3) People on the equator aren’t allowed to have toilets.
4) Who cares.
5) Head lice are an important food source for apes.
6) Ha.
7) The South ends, to the best of my knowledge, somewhere in the mountains of northern Virginia.
8) Better yet, why am I here responding to this?
9) Red, it’s not like blood or anything!
10) Baby who?
11) The beef is NOT at Marriott.
12) The “border” is another term for “restroom”  Most people make a run for them after eating at Taco Hell.
13) Yes.
14) (Yawn)
15) Carmen and Waldo are hiding out in Trinidad.
18) The milkman, the paperboy, and evening TV: they’re all in a really bad TV show now which (God willing) will be cancelled soon.
19) Yes, I have driven a Ford lately (my car’s a Tempo)
20) Mr. T is ME, fool!
21) Only people on acid still live in the yellow submarine, pal.
22) Why don’t I kill you?  Hey man, don’t tempt me!
23) ...
24) No, my beer can’t do that, but neither can yours (besides, I don’t drink)
25) The man for all seasons is Stephen Hayes, and the bell tolls for
Doug Varnado.
26) Ear wax comes from your ears.
27) No comment.
28) I imagine inspector 12 inspects whatever inspectors 1-11 inspect.
29) Jack and Jill never went back up that hill, but they get royalties every time we talk about them doing it.
30) No, there were only two wise men at the manger (the third one just sent the Muhr and a card along with the other two)
31) Angels do have wings (why not?)
32) At some point I imagine Adam and Eve ate apples.
33) This is a complete waste of time.  No more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

? Trygg

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this one goes out to one jamie shyers, whom i don’t know, and after a considerably scathing reply to my (rather weird) article, i’m not quite sure i want to. i mean hey, no one’s published a FAQ about the loo or anything, there are no set rules of topic engagement that i’m aware of, and if i’m not mistaken, there happens to be a section in the loo for “the usual stuff”. ramblings, if you will. i would think that my letter falls under that category. ‘s far as i can tell, you’re way outta line. (yes, i’m flaming. kind of a sad thing to do, but unprovoked reproofs/attacks irk me)
besides, todd enjoyed it (see lu #4), and i got email from a couple people (steve crowell for one; thx steve) letting me know how much they enjoyed it. not that i’m bragging on myself (well, maybe a little), but i can’t see what reason you’ve got to say what you did.
send any and all flames to /dev/null, as the last thing that the lu needs is another bitch forum.
todd: turn around, there’s a can of spam coming in at 7 o’clock.  catch it before it hits you.
“Blessed are the cheesemakers...”
“I’ve got my head stuck in the cupboard!”
“Hello!”
“Sorry!”
“I can’t see anything!”
“Shut up, Mr. Gumby!”
“Sorry”
“Ooow, my brain hurts...”
“Hello!”
“Shut up!”
“Oh, I’ve broken it, i’ve broken it...”
“Sorry!”

Copper???
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I would like to take the time to directly reply to each and every letter that appeared in the loo last time.  That answer is:  Gold Bond Medicated Powder. According to my Grandmother (a not-so-hairy Sam Nunn and a wonderful picture frame maker in her own right) Gold Bond cures all woes.  And it makes a wonderful apple pie crust if you forget to wear your glasses when you bake.
Dustin, buddy, let’s take a second to remind you not to mix the pills the doctor gave you the last time you were home.  Remember, the kind doctor gave you those to cure you from using the term “fetus toting” in casual conversation.  (The last time we went to Dyersburg, poor Sir Adkins was found stark naked and sobbing one early Sunday morn in Pennington’s Seed and Supply.  He was clutching a copy of “Contending for the Faith” and mumbling something about Bob Dole being a Presbyterian.)  In case you forget, it’s the bottle marked “DO NOT TAKE WHILE VOTING.”
And, finally, on to Lee Mayo.  STOP TAKING DUSTIN’S PILLS!!!!
Thank you.
‘Til Josyeln Elders answers my love letters,
Brad Denton  (DENTONBS if you feel a need to
personally bash me...)
P.S.-  Jami Shyers: I said two chickens, you idiot!  TWO CHICKENS!!!
(Inside jokes kill me.)
P.P.S.- Baseball wouldn’t have to be on strike if it weren’t for Reaganomics!
(I know I’m reaching, but there’s an answer there somewhere...)
‘Til someone gets sick of all these parenthesis,
Commander Pantaloons

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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The People’s Court $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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{ There seems to be some ill feelings going around UNDERGROUND and I
{  personally don’t like to resort to violence.  So I did what Doug LuEllen
{  says; “Don’t take the law into your own hands, TAKE EM TO COURT!!!!!”  So
{  here we are.  The first ever session of the UNDERGROUND COURT is now
{  convening.  The semi-honorable Judge Chris Challis presiding.  The words
{  of (ju) stinkin’ are in {.
{
{  Prosecution:
{ The residents of Suite 301 in Fanning have commented about the Chapel
{  policy in this way:

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The people from Fanning Suite 301 think the new chapel situation......
SUCKS!!
Thank you for your time.

{
{  This was put out in the 3rd edition of THE UNDERGROUND.  Chris Stone, the {  Defendant, replied in the following manner in LU#4:
{
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Concerning the suitemates in Fanning 301, thank you for showing us that there are some people who are not bound by silly things such as logic and reasoning.
The administration has done all it can to help.  But, they can’t change our hearts.  SAYING THAT ANYTHING DEALING WITH WORSHIPING OUR GOD “SUCKS” IS AN OUTRAGE!  (that is called yelling in the world of e-mail)  Yes, this policy does have its problems.  But, if God can be worshiped by people being crucified and burned, then I think we can live with chapel and waiting in line for lunch.
I now step down from my soap box.  Thank you for your atttention.
? Chris Stone (STONECD@DLU.EDU)

{
{  The residents of Fanning 301 have brought the following complaint:
{

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Do you need the definition of a QUOTE!  Maybe you need to look it up.  God doesn’t suck.  The chapel situation does.  Don’t act holier than Thou and try to make others look like heathens.  You knew exactly what we meant.  You can go ahead and cancel my underground...Thanks for your time.
Maybe next time you should read what the message really says.  I wonder how everyone else managed to understand our input and you completely misinterpreted what we said.  Just because we do not like the new situation, doesn’t mean we don’t worship God.  Maybe you should look at yourself before you judge others.  Did you ever think you might be hurting other people’s feelings?  Your criticism was far from constructive.  God asks that we not speak badly of our neighbors.  If you did not like our comments, then you should have said it in a way that did not judge us.  We understand that change is good, but we do not like the way the administration is going about it right at this point in time.  Think twice before you judge another person again.
 
I’m sorry that SOMEONE (Chris Stone) doesn’t understand anyone else’s kind of sarcasm but his own.  Therefore, I guess we must explain ourselves.   WE DID NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM DOWNGRADE THE GOD WE WORSHIP OR THE ACTION OF WORSHIPPING HIM.  IF YOU THINK THAT IS WHAT WE WERE TRYING TO DO, OH GREAT KING OF SARCASM, YOU ARE SADLY AND TERRIBLY MISTAKEN.  TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE SAYING, I’LL GIVE YOU A SHORT ESSAY ON HOW AND WHY WE SAID WHAT WE DID.
We, the residents of Fanning Suite 301, sincerely believe that the
Chapel SITUATION, I REPEAT, THE CHAPEL SITUATION, sucks.  THIS STATEMENT DOES NOT, IN ANY WAY, REFER TO THE PEOPLE THAT TAKE PART IN ASSEMBLING THE MUSIC, PRAYER, OR DEVOTIONS OF CHAPEL.
I refuse to apologize for the remark that my suitemates and I made.  You really need to take some Lithium before you start making comments about the things people say. Our opinion is not subject to your criticism.  We did not ask for opinion about our comment.
GET  A  CLUE!!!!!
FANNING SUITE 301
P.S.  Don’t ever act like your a better Christian than someone else.  Your’e the kind of HYPOCRITE that drives people away from Christ, instead of to Him.

{
{  Did you get all that?  O.K.  The parties have made their statements.  It’s {  time for the Judge’s decision...
{
{ Challis emerges from his chambers and a hush falls over the crowd}

     {sound:  Flussssshhhhhhhhhh!}
     {Challis:  Aghhhhhhhhhh!}

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for starters, we the residents of room 105 don’t gave a rat’s ass what you, the
residents of suite 301, think. you’re opinions, though totally invalid, are
subject to critisim upon being voiced. if you don’t want to be told you’re
system of logic (or lack there of) sucks, then don’t open your mouth. as the
proverb says: it is better to keep your mouth shut and let them think you’re
a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

intellectually superior,

challis

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And there’s your decision.  We’ll try to get a quote from the parties involved for the next Underground.  Anyway, that just about wraps it up from this end of the cycle.  Remember, if someone wrongs you, if someone owes you money, if you feel the need to seek vengance...Don’t take the law into your own hands, TAKE EM TO COURT!!!!!!!!
{Music:  Bum Bum Bump...Bum Bum Bump...}

Until the next time,
all I have is one word:
“Freshmen”
(ju)stinkin’