LU#9 "Now in 3-D!"
vol. XI, no. 284
October 25, 2005

Distress, Distractions, Discipline. Seems we have a short issue this week. Maybe after midterm madness passes things will pick up again... If nothing else, I hope you all enjoy this week's Cheesy Filler.

Remember, trick or treaters: Don't eat candy if the wrapper is already opened! Unless of course, you are the one who opened it.

E-mail subscriptions are always available; just send me an e-mail and I'll add you to the list.

To Penny Tyler: Parking garages are more footprint-efficient than parking lots, but building one almost certainly costs more and takes longer. If they'd done that instead of building the lot we have now, we'd likely have no parking at all for this entire semester, if not longer. The lot may be slightly too small at peak hours, but it's a sight better than nothing.

To our bus-riding friend: MTA isn't the catch-all solution for commuting. I checked out their site a couple weeks ago looking at routes. Going on that information, if I left my house around 5:00 AM, I'd be lucky to get to DLU by 8:30, and I'd never get home most days of the week. Now, I'm not convinced that their site is accurate or up to date, because I think I've seen buses where that site says there should be none. If anybody has better route info, please let me know, I'd like to consider it. Don't get me wrong, I love public transportation. I just wish we, y'know, had some, because the route map I saw is really pathetic.

Until I can buy a car powered by hydrogen,

Stephen Collings

(I don't know man. Did you hear about that last episode in hydrogen transportation? -- Justin)


The parking situation is a direct result of money and the lack thereof. Consider this for a moment. If you sell out twice the number of parking stickers than there are parking spaces, sure, not everyone will be able to park, but at least you can afford various maintanences and security and such. When I was at UTK, this was just the case. I remember it clearly, even though it was 1999. UT security let us know *before we got our parking stickers* that the ratio of stickers to spaces was 2.3 for the previous year. I imagine it is similar at Lipscomb.

You propose that students get a numbered parking space based upon the order in which they apply? This will cost money. A lot. And it would be nearly unenforceable, as security would have to check a small number on a small sticker on every single car in each space. If you leave it up to the students to report "someone's in my space!", that doesn't help the student who's space is taken, since he still needs to park. And on and on the chain reaction will go until everyone is in someone else's parking space.

It all costs money. Try to come up with a good system, and you'll get a writhing mass of convoluted rules and policies, one rule or policy for every "what if" scenario you come up with. In the end, though, it all costs money. The only real solution is to raise the price on the parking stickers so fewer students get them, thus improving the sticker-to-space ratio, but no matter how you do it, it won't be fair. What about commuters? They need their car while some day students don't need their cars. Ok, so we just raise the price on day stickers. What about out-of-state students? And on and on the pinwheel turns.

Point out a private university with good parking, and let's see what's different.


(One word: U. Phoenix Online! -- Justin)


To the Bus Riding Fool,

I do not attend Lipscomb, but my husband is an assistant Professor. And yes, he is a member of the Church of Christ.

If you don't like the professors being members of C of C then go somewhere else. You knew the rules when you applied to the University.

Get over yourself, along with everyone else who complains about the other rules at Lipscomb.

The Mouse

(I take it that it's been a while since you've lived under Lipscomb's rules. Besides, what else would we talk about? Politics? Taking over the world? -- Justin)


It's called time. With all the other parking spaces around campus being obliterated, would you want to spend this year waiting for a parking garage to be finished?

Dr. J

(True, that. -- Justin)


Cheesy Filler

10 Ways to Confuse Trick-or-Treaters

  1. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
  2. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
  3. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
  4. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
  5. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
  6. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
  7. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
  8. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
  9. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
  10. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.


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LU#9 "Now in 3-D!"
vol. XI, no. 284
October 25, 2005

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