vol. XI, no. 276 August 30, 2005

Ah, Fall: the time for hurricanes to ravage Gulf cities, freshmen to start skipping classes and realize how easy it really is to miss class but not "miss" class, and girls to finally realize that skirts that extend 2" below their... are not keeping them warm anymore.  Maybe the latter realization will be for the better, as the enforcement of the dress code has gotten harder and harder over the years.  In any case, welcome back students!  And welcome to another fun and exciting year of the Underground.  A new host is about to take over, so be prepared to see a new name and a new address from which you receive the LU on a (hopefully) weekly basis.  The responses below include all responses from the last issue of last semester that was never released, so you aren't re-reading something from the Spring.  Remember, the LU only lives if you respond, so either start something or reply to something.

E-mail subscriptions are always available; just send me an e-mail and I'll add you to the list.

To “The Anonymous Bartender”,

Oh dear Lord, where do I begin? I suppose I’ll start by pointing out your gross misuse of the word “illicit.” To use such a word in reference to anything is to say the thing in question is illegal. You may or may not be aware of the fact that caffeine is not an illegal substance and, therefore, should not be paired with the word “illicit.”

As for your allegations concerning the effects of caffeine on your internal organs, they too are erroneous. In no way can the effects of caffeine be placed on the same level of severity as alcohol. If this were the case, doctors would not administer caffeine into the under-developed lungs of premature infants in order to speed their lung development. Even the effects of long-term caffeine overuse do not come within comparison range of the effects of short-term alcohol overuse.

Like anything else that can be placed in the body, caffeine and alcohol can be overused. However, to even suggest that caffeine can do as much or more internal organ damage than alcohol is ludicrous. The worst I have ever heard of caffeine doing to the human body is causing a dependency on it; this also happens on a regular basis with alcohol. The difference? Caffeine won’t kill you when you try to break your dependency on it. I have never read a scholarly paper or science book documenting fatty liver, cirrhosis of the liver, liver cancer, permanent brain damage or death as being any of the common results of caffeine abuse—can you guess what does cause all of the above?

I do not believe alcohol is evil or that it is wrong to consume it, but it must be enjoyed in moderation. Just like fat (‘cause you might clog your arteries), sugar (‘cause you’ll ruin your teeth, get fat and do damage to your internal organs all at one time), red meat (‘cause you might stop your heart), food in general (‘cause you’ll get fat), vitamins (‘cause they can cause levels of toxicity), water (‘cause you might drown), antibiotics (‘cause you might destroy your immune system), caffeine (‘cause you’ll drive your loved ones crazy), minerals (‘cause they might leave deposits in your bones), refined carbohydrates (‘cause you’ll get weak and fat all at one time), sex (‘cause you could inflict and experience irreparable mental and physical damage that far surpasses that of any “illicit” substance), exercise (‘cause you could end up tearing down instead of building up) and soap (‘cause it’ll dry your skin).

Have I left anything out?

As Always,

Amy Byrdsong

(I know not the effects of caffeine on the body, other than the fact that it makes me happy.  Mountain Dew is my hero, and I'll take Dr. Pepper's prescriptions anyday!  -- Jeremy)


For the past few issues, the church of Christ has been negatively portrayed as a denomination that consists of mostly conservatives and believes that they are the only ones going to Heaven.

1) The church of Christ is NOT a denomination. The church of Christ was established by Jesus alone. Not Joseph Smith, not John Smythe, not Charles Taze Russell, not John Wesley. Despite what some people say and believe...the church of Christ was not established by Alexander Campbell. Campbell was not the one who said "Upon this rock, I will build my church."

2) There should be NO such thing as conservatives and liberals in the church of Christ. There should be only Christians. However, we must believe that the Bible is the sole authority on all matters and is the inspired truth. The Bible consists of commandments, teachings, and patterns that WE ARE INSTRUCTED TO FOLLOW. We don't question, we don't add, and we don't subtract from the inspired text. The Old Testament is our history book that gives us accounts where we see what the Almighty, unchanging God does when His instructions are not followed. Contrary to popular belief, God DOES have an angry side.

3) The church of Christ isn't the only ones going to Heaven, but we are the only ones who have a chance! As Christians, we are instructed to preach the Gospel to the lost and to the erring. If they choose not to follow the steps to salvation, the only thing we can do is pray that someday they will.

It's funny how people come on the Underground and discuss how "conservative" Lipscomb University is, because:

1) The word shouldn't be "conservative," it should be SOUND. Sound according to the Word of God.

2) The truth is, and this is sad, that the majority of the adminstration and Bible faculty are far from practicing sound doctrine. A good majority of the Lipscomb "Bible professors" teach their own philosophies mixed with Scripture. They downplay and disregard important instructions given to us Christians via God's Word. The Bible warns of ravenous wolves coming to the fold to teach their own form of doctrine. My prayer and plea is that people not listen to the "Gospel according to Max Lucado," or John Mark Hicks, or Gary Hollaway, or Jeff Walling. Listen to the Word of's what it's here correct, rebuke, and to save us.

I expect people to respond to this post saying that I'm not in a position to judge. However, while we are not instructed to judge other people, we are instructed to warn others about false teachers so that they won't stray precious souls to the right or left of the straight path to Heaven.

As long as the Bible is the inspired Word of God, I am...

Eric Huffman Lipscomb Graduate '04   

(I think this is too easy.  Maybe that's because I expect it to make a good start for the fall semester's issues.  -- Jeremy)


God bless the end of school and may it come more quickly and often as every year passes, lol.

Well the end of year is approaching quite quickly and as a result I feel like I might as well post a response seeing as I’ve been sitting here at this same computer going on 4 hours now, may as well write something I care about, petty though it may be I still care about it. Recently I was the victim of an obnoxious noise that passed by, it left me scared. I was standing on the sidewalk next to the garage talking to a friend when behind me I hear a low thud and drone all coming in time and rhythm. Louder and louder it grew and I turned around just to see is pass by because even though I was trying to pay attention to the conversation I was having I couldn’t hear it over this chump’s bass and rattling trunk of his age old dull red dodge neon that definitely had a belt that squeaked as it went into the garage. Now friends, the majority of us love music and we love to blare it in the car as we go down the road and sing louder than we ever would in front of other people, but when it gets to the point that you can’t even tell what’s playing because you’ve got such a ridiculous bass playing that the words are drowned out by the rest of your car rattling, then you know something is wrong. Not too long after that incident I was in my room ON THE 8TH FREAKING FLOOR OF HIGH RISE, and the car was in a spot down in the lot and I still heard it loud and clear…no not the words or anything else but the bass and his crap rattling…AND THE CAR WAS TURNED OFF! I understand that not everyone can own a nice car, given that a car in general is a blessing. I busted my butt over these past summers earning enough money to buy a car along with the help of my parents which isn’t even close to being on the expensive end, but still I don’t go out and blare my radio with a bass that pumps louder than my engine can before it blows. Please, whoever knows this wanna be thugga please educate him in the etiquette of music in the parking lot, and I will try to control the bat that I might find in my trunk. To everyone out there, and even the bass thumper, God bless your summer and allow you to return to another year of pretty girls and great devos! Take care and happy sun tanning!

With the balls to post it…my name is Shea McAfee.

(You could hear my truck from that far away??  Kidding... the tinny factory-installed paper cones residing in my Ford Ranger pick-em-up truck don't quite have that kind of range.  Though I'm sure Lipscomb has its fair share of Ricers, we can all hope that it's just a phase; though it may be one of those never-ending phases like drinking and smoking.  -- Jeremy)


I'm sorry I forgot to back up my arguement with studies but if you look on google you will quickly find many studies that link caffiene to kidney failure, heart disease, and depression as well as calcium loss and bone disease.

LU's Anonymous Bartender

("Many studies" - that sounds like the way Fox News backs up their stories.  -- Jeremy)


I just wanted to know if girls know there is a dress code… I don’t think that girls understand that by them dressing the way they do, it makes their Christian brothers (and even non Christians) stumble and lust, they are making them sin. I think that they all need to mature and take into consideration others

- exit

(Martha?  Get the fire hose!  Looks like Mrs. O'Leary's cow is at it again!  -- Jeremy)


To my friends and family in the LU community and beyond:

Four years is a long time to spend in one place, though after spending four years at an institution such as Lipscomb, you really start to look back and see what you have become in that time.  To some, that means becoming an alcoholic; to others, it means becoming open-minded liberals (but that would never happen at Lipscomb, a place filled with more closed-minded Republicans than the RNC, so I don't know why I mention it).  It's fun to look at incoming freshmen and see that you used to be like them - naive (for the most part), nervous, narcissistic, and so many other "n" words - but now you're supposed to be all grown up and living independently in the real world.  To those critics who have said that Lipscomb keeps one from achieving such an independence, there is a certain level of truth to that statement.  While the school does attempt to control many aspects of your life (what you can watch on TV, where you can go on the internet, what you can do with your personal life, etc.), it also does allow you the freedom to do what you want -- within reason.  There are consequences for your actions, which Lipscomb does show each student that enters its little liberal arts college doors.  Yes, some penalties are harsh, such as being removed from the school for underage drinking, but at least they aren't turning you in to the authorities.  I have heard more complaints from students about the school's policies on drinking and tobacco use, but that doesn't deter those that are bound and determined to use them.  As it has been said on this forum before, you agreed to abide by these rules when you (or your parents) forked over the $20k a year to come here.  If you don't like those regulations, go to MTSU, where they allow their children to roam freer than sheep in New Zealand (hi Stephanie).  Lipscomb does what it can to try to ensure you get a quality Christian education at an almost unaffordable price, and I must say it worked fairly well for me, as I came out knowing that the word "definitely" does not contain the letter "a" and that Jesus loves me (this I know).

Now that I have taken a position with the university in the Computer Center, I have re-agreed to the aforementioned policies and rules, but that doesn't really bother me.  I still get to hang out with everyone without being "that guy" that graduated but doesn't go away.  I actually got a job, so I see it as alright, because that puts me ahead of the status quo as far as May '05 graduates and careers go. 

Your new host will be the elusively mysterious Justin Gregory, who will be taking over from here on out until he decides to pass along his tenure to the next host.  All replies should be sent to him at  Be good to him, as you have been to me, and who knows -- you may see me pop up again from time to time on the LU.

I am, and always will be,
Jeremy Howard


(Aww!  *tear*  -- Jeremy)

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vol. XI, no. 276
August 30, 2005

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