LU#4 "Sidewalk Chalk Graffiti Mafia"
vol. VII, no. 191
September 11,  2001

For those of you who waited to read the LU, I want to thank you, and say that the events of yesterday made everything else in the LU seem less important somehow.  Thousands of actual lives were lost, whether you knew the people involved or not, and our national security was breached by terrorists.  I know people personally who were touched by this, and I'm sure you do too.  So I would like to make an invitation for responses, for a between-weeks issue, dedicated to this tragedy and giving strength and support to those touched by this.  Also, any prayers or scripture you would like to submit would be appreciated.  Basically, I think that we need to be a support system for those who have suffered pain through this, in every way we can, and I personally hope I get deluged with things you all send.  We can't do much, but I think we can try to comfort those who are hurting.  That is what Jesus was all about.  If I don't get enough for a complete issue, I'll just use whatever I get for a special section in next week's issue.  The rest of the LU was written before, so there is no mention of the tragedy hereafter.  I hope you can still enjoy it, given the things that have happened.  God bless you all. 

I want to congratulate everyone here at the Underground who upheld the ban on Papa John's pizza.  We didn't buy it, and they felt the backlash.  That's why now I am officially announcing the end of the ban.  The student discount has been reinstated.  We can once again bask in the glory of a one-topping large Papa John's pizza for $6.50.  We stood up for ourselves, and it paid off.

I think that we have just gotten a glimpse of what we could do if we united under a common cause here on campus.  That said, there is a petition going around to improve the parking situation for events like "Michael Dell Day" which I am not ashamed to say I did not attend.  I encourage everyone to sign it, because unless we stand up for our rights to park and use the facilities we are paying upward of $16,000 a year to use, we will time and again be forced to surrender our right to park on administrative whim.  This is unacceptable and unfair.

Anyway, enough of that.  See the announcements slot for more info on how you can get involved with the petition.  Now I present to you some more classic Georgy, for your reading (dis)pleasure.

Classic Georgy:

"I take the stance that emotion means much less to God than intellect. If emotion were important, then why is it that I feel more emotion when listening to Johnny Cash or Merle Haggard than I feel when singing in church?...  We should only have emotion in worship for the women." -Georgy (fall 2000, LU#8 "Is There Anything You Hate More Than That Horse?") 

"There are many kids here who have started dying their hair...  Colored hair is for circus clowns and cult killers...  You people desperately need to change your hair back, because you are only a disruption to society." -Georgy (fall 2000, LU#9 "Double Secret Probation")

(Stay tuned for more fun with Georgy...) -DE 

in this LU 

Papa John's redeems itself

Re: Oscar

A Petition

Some WEIRD Stuff

Dell Day/Late Night with LaGard


Okay, Oscar, here goes...

Dear God, I hope you're being sarcastic! Half of your entry seemed so, but then the other half didn't. If you were being sarcastic, I have a few tips for you. Don't use words like "queer" or "faggot." While you may think that it is illustrating your sarcasm, it's really just a juvenile way of saying that you are insecure in who and what you are. Sarcasm is always better when it is erudite. Also I may not be a...what was it you said? A "Mary-worshiping Catholic?"...but I am Orthodox (if you don't know what this is, look it up). Being at a CoC school and not being CoC is hard. I really don't think that it's anything you should be joking about. And if you're not joking, do you really think that making fun of and condemning other denominations is Christian? Just something for you to chew on.

Well, for all you returning LUers, I guess we'll just have to pick on and illuminate Oscar until Georgy comes back. Maybe Georgy has seen the light, or is at least really intimidated by us. Eh, who knows.

Until I don't have to walk from the football field with a 50 lb backback, I am

Cat B

(If Georgy came back, I guarantee you we'd all be having some fun...) -DE




They obviously did not teach you about Secular Humanism. You need to read the Humanist Manifesto I, II. You can pick it up at your local bookstore in Green Hills or check out the web site. By the way some people here do drink and if they had the opportunity some would drink during chapel (I'm not saying its good or bad. I'm just reporting).

Yours truly,

J. Shepherd

(Oh, for shame!  You know no one REALLY drinks around here... Oscar's a lifer, and he would know.  Or something like that.  Um, yeah.) -DE





Well, well, well......I see the year has gotten off to a good start for the LU. We actually beat back that price increase from Papa John's.

Now, on to the real purpose of this entry......Late Night with LaGard. I attended the first of these sessions a few days ago, and I must say that I was impressed and that I enjoyed myself. I admit it, At times I have been quite critical of the guy. This is a good thing folks, you ought to check it out. I will be going back again next time.


P.S. LU veterans, you'll appreciate this one......I don't know if it is Big Boy and Little Boy themselves or if it is the work of some of their minions, but I do get a call just about every day asking me what has become an obligatory question: "Are you wearing your Braves hat?"

(Late night with LaGard was good, but it's just one point of view.  In order to have a balanced perspective, LU'ers, go both to late night with LaGard and Money, Sex and Power with Rubel Shelley Wednesday nights at Woodmont.  I think you'll enjoy both.  Moreover, both will challenge your conventions and beliefs and make you think outside the box.  I figured if Baggs was gonna plug Late Night, I'd plug my Wednesday night haunt.  Sorry if Woodmont offends you, but for the rest of you, check it out.) -DE




pope -      no one is impressed by a big vocabulary, especially when we can all picture you sitting at your computer... overusing the thesaurus button on your word processor.  we all know that is what you are doing.  don't enter a battle of wits with vocabulary as your only weapon.                                                                                                                             

link -         I am sorry I took the time to read your reply, I should start checking the author before I  read  the entry .                                                                                                    





Whoa!  This freedom of speech email forum is awesome, but not as awesome as my new college life is! We get totally drunk in our dorm room every night!  We're always in there, really wasted, and our RA comes around for room check and never has a clue.  What a loser.  I'll bet he's never touched alcohol in

his life.

But now to the point I wanted to bring up.  What's with the girls at this school?  They are so stuck up.  You would think that they don't want to admit that they've gone through puberty or something.  Come on girls, why not let your primitive side show a little.  If you did you'd find that you'd be much happier.  What I mean by primitive side is that all the girls at this school are always like "eew, don't touch me, stay away from me."  Come on girls, why can't you just admit that all you want is sex just like all the other people in the world.  Grow up.  I can remember the girls at home.  Back home you can just grab a piece of ass and go with it.  Aah, precious memories.  I can't wait until you girls read this and it causes you to

change.  Then you'll coming up to my dorm room with me.



(With freedom comes responsibility.  Keep that in mind.  I'm only saying this for your own good, not to spoil your fun, but think before you act.  A lot of people with your philosophy don't last their first semester.) -DE



(in order that my verses

may retain their satanic character

i beg of you to retain the line breaks

as they appear in my reply.

they are neither arbitrary,

nor is the cosmos founded on caprice.)

take your meds.

dr hilarius

(I'm not even going to touch this one...) -DE





First Place Votes In Parenthesis

16. 2 Pac (Can’t Nobody Hold Him Down)

15. Milton from Office Space

14. 12 Year Old Danny Almonte (He’s The Little Unit)

13. Both ODB’s (Briley & Black)

12. Kyle “Catfish” Stevens (1)

11. Big Snoop Dogg

10. KJ & Sean Harrell (They’re The Same Person)

9. Ms. Linda

8. James “Keepin’ It Real” McClanahan (1/2)

7. Moe (You Could Have Been # 3)

6. Larry The Crime Donkey (48)

5. Christopher “The Continental” Walken (22)

4. Catfish Bob (12)

3. Orlando Jones (37)

2. Greg Kirby (3)

For the 37th Week In A Row**…THE # 1 STUNNA OF THE WEEK…


* Taken From Da Big Tymers

** The Record is 4 years, held by Samuel Jackson after he made Pulp Fiction. Unfortunately, he has been retired from the countdown. (He Was One Bad Man In Unbrekable Too—Tell Me Who Else Was As Bad As Him In A Wheelchair In A Black And Purple Velvet Suit)

Also Receiving Votes….

Tree Sloths & River Otters

Rashan Patel

The Deans

John “Cecil The Deisel” Cantrell (Shut Your Mouth)

Trey Wingo

Billy Moore

14 Year Old Danny Almonte

Warren Sapp

Drunk Robby (21 Means 21, Robby)

Kim Sparrow (F.Y.I. The Only Female Receiving Votes This Week)

Zack Attack

The “Hey Man”

Adam Copeland (He’s Still Got The Money)

Jonathan Bradley (Hither Known As Jay-B)

The Peace Pole

Those Never Allowed To Receive Votes…

Macy Grey

The 8-Side Floor Cleaner (We Miss You Zack)

UT’s Football Team

N’Sync’s Performance At The VMA’s

The “Disrespectin’ Guy” In 8:00 AM MWF General Psych With Hamley

Anybody That Makes Fun Of Orlando Jones

Danny Almonte’s Coach

Danny Almonte’s Dad

Ike Turner

Adam Salazar

List Courtesy of Joseph Dunkleman

(I don't get it, but hey... that's what the LU is for.) -DE




Greetings from the bayou,
I know I always hated it when people who had already graduated from Lipscomb
wrote into the underground, but since I haven't technically graduated I can
still write in without being a least that's how I rationalize
it to myself.  Anyway...Link, excellent resopnse, my friend.  (I knew it was
you before I could even see your name).  I was beginning to wonder if anybody
else is getting as tired of listening to Adam Kellam as I am.  Adam, give it
a rest.  I care nearly as much about your long hair, Metallica hat, or any of
that crap as I do about the Quest team's Abercrombie shirts, gap jeans, lip
rings, or whatever...and I'm sure a lot of LUers would agree with me.  A lot
of the problems on campus would be solved if people would stop defining
themselves and others in terms of the clothes they wear or the music they
listen to.
until this law school thing gets hard,

(I would usually change the font to arial, but it's JUST SO PRETTY!) -DE



 I hoped to be able to bring you more fun with mullets for this cheesy filler.  You see, there's a rumor going around that a certain Keith Veronese who attends Lipscomb had a mullet his senior year in high school.  The rumor goes that his senior picture is somewhere within the bastion of mulletude we call and is labeled "Christian College Mullet".  I am sad to report that after spending a few hours searching for it, I came up empty-handed.  If anyone knows the whereabouts of this pic, it would be greatly appreciated if you would key me into it.  Sorry, Keith, but it's just too good not to find.

Moving on to this week's real cheesy filler, I present you a cheesy filler I recieved in the mail from Barry Thompson.  Thanks, Barry.  NOTE:  This cheesy filler was originally much longer, but I decided to edit it down to a top twelve list, because this is one heck of a long issue as it is.


April 23, 2000

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then it's no wonder they don't always speak the same language. Or play by the same rules. 

Rules that guys wish girls knew

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

4. If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear.

5. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

6. You have enough clothes.

7. You have too many shoes.

8. Crying is blackmail.

9. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

10. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

(Girls, the LU is an equal-opportunity cheesy filler accepter.  Basically, my point is that if you have any rules girls wish guys played by, feel free to send them in.) -DE


I encourage all of you who read the LU not to respond to people like Oscar. His remarks mean nothing and are written only to get people excited. He needs to be isolated and cut off the LU. Daniel you are doing a great job this year and I hope you can keep it up. Well until the first scandal hits the fan I will remain silent.

Brian Harris Gentry



Lipscomb University Students

A petition for better parking.  If you would be interested in signing it, contact either Will Gant or B.J. Burns.  If you don't know them, their on-campus email addresses are and  Set up a time to get together with them and add your name to an ever-growing group of signatures (they already have gathered several pages worth of names...)

it'll be next week before anyone can read this, but today (09/04/01), while walking thru sewell lobby, i spotted a sign for the return of the papa john's $6.50 student special. congratulations, fellow boycotters--we've done this university a great service AND given those fellas in the corporate office of p.j.'s a nice, swift kick in the scrotal fascia (a stretch, but it sounds nice).

and besides, i kinda miss seeing the papa john's delivery guy with the curly mullet and the wild-eyed stare walk in the lobby when i'm playing ping-pong in my skivies.


(That guy REALLY DOES have a mullet.  It's hilarious.) -DE



Thanks for what you are doing for the Lipsocmb community with your efforts.

I keep up, even as an alumni, and notice he following at yesterday's Dell event in Allen Arena and you are welcome to cite it in any upcoming edition at your leisure.

1)  It was most odd that no prayer was given for the event.  I have never been to an event at Lipscomb where they didn't have a prayer.  I mean Steve Flatt practically did a cheerleader's backflip to mention spirituality, service and leadership some 40 times in 5 minutes, but he failed to fundamentally deliver on what he was harping.  (And, someone please tell Flatt that he doesn't always have to use the Power Point, it gets very old, very quick.)

2)  As a media person I noticed something really crazy.  The video shown before Dell spoke had to have been rather expensive.  I'd say Lipscomb paid over $40,000 for such a production.  And, it really wasn't that great.  If Lipscomb did pay over that amount, and they paid that just to suck up to the community bigwigs at this one event, they should be ashamed.  I figure that video cost several student's tuitions.

3)  Flatt and the video spoke a lot about leadership and such.  But, why was Flatt the only person on the video that was an alumnus of Lipscomb?  I found it offensive that they couldn't get an alumni to do a little number on screen about how great the place was and how much they learned there.  Sure its great to have the big business leaders praise the place, but what does it say when they only use their mouthpiece, Flatt, to do the selling?

4)  Another video observation: where are the women and the minorities?  They failed to show any women faculty, staff or otherwise really.  And, they used one black gentleman who as noted had no affiliation with the school.

5)  The sound quality was poor due to whomever was running the soundboard - and I noted it wasn't Brad Ward for some reason. 

6)  And, why didn't they filter out all of those horrible questions, particularly the first dumb ass asking about File Maker Pro. 

Just some observations.  And, a few things that good old Walt and the crew may wish to consider next go around.  Don't get me wrong, it was impressive to have Dell on campus - I did laugh though at the irony that a non-Christian was the first to speak in Allen Arena (Dell is Jewish).  And, I hope that Walt doesn't have his lackies wrestle up some cash by calling my to fund that piece of crap video in the near future.


Many thanks Daniel.

(Thank you, Tobalicious.  There is a reason why Brad Ward was not running the soundboard.) -DE


I actually had planned to rage in my closing comments against the ultra-capitalist system here at Lipscomb.  I had planned to point out that the golden rule has become "He who has the gold makes the rules."  Instead, a more pressing issue was recently brought to my attention.  My Christo-Marxist rantings will have to wait until another time.  (Just for the record, I am not a Communist, but I don't think Jesus was a Capitalist.  If we're trying to be like Jesus, I think we need to reevaluate our priorities.)

The more pressing issue is that on Saturday, I watched the MTV Video Music Awards.  I thought another station had to be carrying it, because obviously we don't have MTV here at Lipscomb... except apparently, we do.  Turn your T.V. to channel 34, and you'll see that great bastion of evil blaring forth at you.  Wonder of wonders.

This is what I heard, and it may just be a rumor so don't take it as gospel.  Apparently, Brad Ward has been fired on Administrative Whim.  Word on the street is that Walt (Leaver) didn't like him, so he got axed, just like that.  As a last move in protest to the injustice done him, Mr. Ward removed the filter which blocked MTV.  So now, we can watch such evil things as music videos and concerts live from the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame.  A shame, isn't it?

But there is a more serious issue lurking beneath the surface.  Every time I came into contact with Mr. Ward, he was always very helpful, Christ-like, and kind.  I have never heard anyone complain about him.  My Freshman year, my parents came down to visit me on campus.  They had some car trouble, and who was the one man who took upon himself to personally help them find a good mechanic?  Brad Ward!  He didn't know them, heck, he didn't even know me, but he did what the Good Samaritan would have done.  And this is the man who got fired?  I'm sorry, but I have a problem with that.

So now we can add Brad Ward to the list of Fredenburg, Varnado, Thacker, etc.  Where will it stop?  At least we got MTV, but that's little consolation when we lost a great servant who worked behind the scenes to make sure Lipscomb was a good place to be.  I think a little moral outrage is in order.  

Also, I have heard a few murmurings that I am not subversive enough.  All I have to say is, I'm just getting started.  Give me a chance, and I think you will find I am very subversive indeed.  If not, give me an A for effort.  I do try.

Until the parking situation on special events day improves and the administration quits firing all the best faculty/staff, I am



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LU#4 "Sidewalk Chalk Graffiti Mafia"
vol. V
Il, no. 191
September 11,  2001

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